Tae No!

Today I pulled out my fitness DVDs.  It was extra rainy and windy out and I wanted to get going on the exercise portion of my health plan. I remembered Tae Bo being fairly accessible when I used to do it but I couldn’t find my Basic workout DVD and popped in the Advanced one instead.  How hard could it be? It’s just fake kickboxing, right?

Wow. I am out of shape!  About 10 minutes in I couldn’t keep pace even doing vague approximations of the moves. I was begging for him to slow down and had to resort to taking long water breaks and fast forwarding over the last half to get to the cool down.

I like the combination of aerobics and boxing and Billy Blanks is mostly tolerable.  The production was dated and the music was pretty cheesy as well – I may have to update my DVD collection.

At least I made the effort!  First workout in years!

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My Dealer, Baskin-Robbins

There are three Baskin-Robbins within three miles of my house. In my worst eating days, I was in the habit of stopping by once a day, and a few times I even went twice in one day.  That was the beauty of there being three of them!  Rotate!

When I was a youngster our biggest adventure was riding our bikes to the Baskin-Robbins and getting as much ice cream as we could afford.  Back then I liked hot fudge brownie sundaes with chocolate mint ice cream, but somewhere along the line I switched to Chocolate Mouse Royale, which is a creamy medium chocolate with delicate chocolate chips in it.  I crave this ice cream more than any other treat, and usually have it on a waffle cone.

Yesterday I found out I didn’t get a job that I wanted and it really made me want to say “F— it” and eat a handful of chocolate chips and peanut butter.  Why didn’t I throw away those chocolate chips?  I guess I thought they’d be a somewhat clean treat with strawberries but they are proving too tempting!  The craving was so intense I thought I’d surely succumb.  I knew if I allowed myself a handful that it would become two or three.

I resorted to having a half a Atkins dark chocolate shake and amazingly, it did the trick!  I was pleasantly surprised.

Sometimes it’s just a bit that needs flipping.

Replacing Rewards

Last night I worked for two hours studying a dry certification textbook and became bleery eyed and dejected and had an overpowering urge to reward myself/escape/lash out at my sorry state.  God forbid I should work!

Usually in this situation I would have baked four Nestle Tollhouse cookies in my toaster oven and downed them with a cold glass of milk (or eaten chocolate peanut butter ice cream out of the carton if it was warmer out).

Instead, I ate half an apple and fresh peanut butter, lightly salted.  If you’ve never gotten fresh ground peanut butter at the store before you should try it – it’s absolutely wonderful!  This wasn’t exactly a low-fat treat, but eons better than the alternative!

You can’t just quit things without replacing them with something else.

Day One Headache

Work was ok – the only major difference was that I didn’t have chips with my sandwich and I had Greek yogurt for a snack instead of a chocolate chip granola bar.  After work I had a gargantuan headache – I took Advil and it wouldn’t go away.  I retreated under the covers for a few hours and eventually felt good enough to eat dinner.  I made a great chicken chili last night and leftovers hit the spot.  Light sour cream was my treat, along with fresh pico style salsa.

Day one – check!

Tomorrow is the big day!

I’ve been cleaning out cupboards and freezers and getting rid of all my junk food and chocolate stashes.  Looks like I’ll come out just about right with the treat supplies running out just in time.  I may have to throw out a cookie or two but nothing serious.  Funny how that’s oddly important – god forbid some of this crappy food should go to waste!  Throwing away perfectly good cookie dough just doesn’t sit right.

And why does anyone think Marie Calendar’s TV dinners are good?  500 calories of grossness!  If I’m going to eat 500 calories I would hope they’d taste better than that!  Ew!

I’m a little nervous, hoping I don’t fail.  This seems different – do or die, quite literally. I could list out the physical consequences I’ve suffered or haven’t suffered yet but it seems like a paltry list compared to other people. My knees hurt. My cholesterol is high. My head aches from sugar withdrawls. Blood relatives have suffered through diabetes and gastric surgery.

And there’s the little things like how the horizontal part of my belly gets cold under my jacket.  There isn’t supposed to be a horizontal part.

It’s time.